The Danger of a Stable Friend Group

You have your four best friends in the world, and together, the five of you are one functional family. No, better than a family. Your friends don’t ever ask you when they’ll get grandchildren. Everything is great. There are no problems, no drama. Everyone is happy. Right?

Maybe. But there’s a lurking danger. When everything is going well, people tend to put their blinders on. Thus, everything is going well and that’s how it’s going to stay. Ignore all potential issues. They’re not there. You guys are better than family. Remember?

Don’t get too comfortable. Every relationship, especially a relationship among five people, requires communication and transparency to stay alive.

Imagine your group as a web. You’re connected to Billy, who’s connected to Janet, who’s connected to Jeb, who’s connected to Boris, who’s connected to Billy, who’s connected to Jeb, who’s connected to you…and so on. You get the point. Everyone is connected to everyone, but each pressure against each connection causes a tremble across the whole web.

Let’s say you’re closer to Boris than anyone else. What happens when you bring two points of a web closer together? You stretch out the connection with other points, causing tension, tension that very well might lead to a snap in the web if the imbalance becomes too severe.

Equality. You need equality. Communicate equally throughout the group. Boris is a great guy, but he is only as valuable as everyone else within the group. See an inequality in the group? Point it out. No one wants to compete for attention or feel left out. You guys are family. You don’t pick favorites in your family.

Actually, just communicate everything. You five are close, but not close enough to read minds. Even if you’re all perceptive people, some knowledge will always hide in the thick fog of privacy. Don’t let potential issues fester. If you see one, if you feel one, tell the group. Know what happens when you ignore a festering wound?

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